Updated – as promised, the link to the video:
“A mix of madness, Ian Dury and Judge Dredd… and it’s about necrophilia. But in a nice way.”
How can you not be intrigued when you hear a single being described in this way?
Meet Baron Bubblebeef – singer, man of mystery and evil genius extraordinaire. And if the zany name makes you think of a certain kind of canned meat, well you can stop it right there ‘cos the Baron is not the sort to take kindly to being called corny.
What’s more, the Baron is getting ready to conquer, Malta, Europe and the world and his grand plan kicks off tonight, which is when he’ll be launching his first single – Jennifer’s Dead, listen to sample by clicking here: jennifer sample – to an unsuspecting public.
Well, more than a single you could almost say that Jennifer’s Dead is a cautionary tale set to ska and reggae beats. Ladies, consider it a warning of the bad, mad things that could happen were you to catch the Baron’s eye. Well, given that the Baron opted to unleash his music on the world with a track that contains the below immortal lines, I’d say it’s fair warning and all.
“Some months ago I heard Jennifer’s dead,
She never spoke to me but but now she gives me h…”
The Baron claims that he only has eyes for Jennifer, but swiftly and creepily adds that he is looking for a car with a bigger boot. I believe what he mumbled under his breath was something on the lines of: “bloody Toyota Starlet” … and I’m not even sure he meant this figuratively.
One thing that gets him more excited than Jennifer is…well, two things rather. Nipples. Claiming to be the proud possessor of the smallest nipples in history, he says this has made him extremely interested in seeing those attached to other people. To date, he remains dumbfounded when people don’t oblige.
As a keen artist, the Baron is available to perform. He is quite reasonably priced and will even see his way towards offering a discount if you can guarantee a nipple display. Asked if he’ll require any contracts to be signed in blood, he replies that he doesn’t much like blood. But I should add that the ominous postscript – “but I understand its importance” – is not particularly reassuring.
I have to admit that by this point the Baron had me well and truly creeped out, so I decided to have a word with his alter-ego, ie Steve Hili – aka the breakfast show host from XFM – who tells me that the baron brings together his acting gene with his fondness for writing and that naughty streak he is known for.
As with many great ideas, he says, inspiration knocked on the door with booze in hand.
“I had been wanting to write a funny song for a while. And I wanted to make it extreme! I figured if you are going to go for it, than really go for it. I found out about a recording studio in England that offered a very good deal .I wanted to do it there not here to combine it with a holiday AND I wanted to be working with people who did not know me and I booked a session.”
The result was Jennifer’s Dead – both track and video. A second single called What’s A Catholic Boy To Do is set to follow. The title is hint enough of what to expect… Launch is set for end of summer.
“I am putting together a storyboard for the video at the mo. If Jennifer’s Dead becomes the top-selling single in history and I become bigger than the Beatles I might launch it at the Vatican. If not I’ll have to re-think.”
There will also be an eventual EP with “some very extreme topics”.
“I am currently mulling over the lyrics of a song called Things That Go Blump in the Night. Don’t ask too much. You can never un-hear something. As for a gig… well, hopefully ASAP. Put it this way, if you’ve got nipples and you want me to sing for you we can sort something out.”
Jennifer’s Dead single and video will be launched tonight – check out this space tomorrow for video link.