Election watch: Why Gonzi got the new ministerial appointments wrong

With a surprise cabinet re-shuffle announced hours ago just in time for the weekend, the country is – as usual – in turmoil. Said turmoil could have easily been avoided with wiser choices as to who should have been awarded which ministry. Here’s what was obvious to the whole electorate but seems to have eluded the big guys.

Minister For Justice

Clinton Paul: The badass soldier can take a vigilante attitude Chuck Norris style to satisfy those who believe the law courts are failing dismally at delivering retribution to the real criminals while doing a good job at hanging those guilty of lesser misdemeanours.

A superman like him will have no trouble breezing through all the red tape and the bureaucracy and if the tough guy attitude fails to impress our home-grown mafia, a fast u-turn in typical Maltese politics style might be in order. I hear that Disney channel tops the list of subscriptions in most prison cells and given the new minister’s affinity for the giant rodent, he only needs to wave this connection around to cow the kings of crime into submission.

Should Chris Said refuse to do the gracious thing and step aside, CP can always stage a rebellion in his own inimitable style. We’re sure his new adoptive mother, Angelina Jolie, will be more than happy to fund his political campaigning.

 Minister for Lands, Small businesses & the whole boring lot

Boiler Nru 7. This should have been obvious from the start, x’ċuċ hu Jason Azzopardi, to use the vernacular. What do you do with an upstart who refuses to play ball with the rest of the team? Offer him a good “tappabuchi” position where he can’t do any harm just to get him out of your hair, of course.

Boiler Nru 7 has been playing merry hell with our infrastructure much in the same way a spoilt brat – or member of parliament, sometimes the terms are interchangeable – stamps his feet and ruins the family get-together simply because he didn’t receive the coveted Playstation for Christmas. Offering him a ministerial portfolio where being a massive pain is actually a plus point solves all the problems.

Any similarity this suggestion might have to recent events is, of course, purely coincidental.

Minister for Tourism, Environment & Culture

The fun stuff. But not without its challenges, especially given our unfortunate tendency to shoot ourselves in the foot when it comes to our international image.

This post has Satiristan’s name all over it. Diplomat par excellence and the brains behind the most epic Awards the country has seen. No, not the Eurovision. I’m talking about the Golden Phallus Awards. Last I heard Endemol Productions was winning the bidding war for the international rights…

There you have it: tourism and culture all rolled into one. Now if only we could convince the Mullah to stop bothering those poor sheep (photos available against a small fee) maybe we could even cover the environment angle…




  1. Mario Schembri Wismayer says:

    Tajba Ra! Joking apart, though, I actually believe that some of our local, homegrown fruitcakes might do a better job of steering the national ship than some of our (cosidetti) professional politicians (and I’m including both colours here…!)…