1. You continue on your “eating like a pig/ drinking like a king” spree all day – without the benefit of Nanna Cetta giving you dirty looks and muttering darkly about the unholy cloud of alcohol fumes that surrounds your couch. You can also do it in your dirty pyjamas and no-one will raise an eyebrow. ‘Cos no-one will be there.
2. You are surrounded by blessed silence. As a corollary to the above, there are no screaming kids to contend with. The only sound that is likely to break the silence is the sound of you puking that extra turkey sammich and limoncello shot. Or maybe your swearing when you stub your toe against the remote control for the umpteenth time. Bliss.
3. If you’re actually inclined to move your ass off the sofa and venture outside, the streets are devoid of traffic and you reach destination in half a jiffy. This is mostly thanks to school holidays; I have yet to figure out why no school = more civilised drivers but I have decided to accept this fact as one of life’s most beautiful miracles without questioning it. Of course, if you were rash enough to bring a couple of li’l sprogs into the world yourself, this doesn’t count as a plus and in fact you’re a tad screwed.
4. Shoppers have been shopped out. Remember that hideous, baby pink sweater that your Aunt Lucy thought was so you but that you think would look better on a teenage hooker who specializes Hello Kitty role-playing? Now is the perfect time to go change it discreetly, while everyone is still enjoying the consequences of drinking like a pig and eating like a king mentioned above.